So this is it. You’re finally ready to begin your surrogacy process.
As intended parents, turning the page and starting a new chapter of your life can be bittersweet. In just a few months, you will welcome your baby into the world and step into parenthood. After matching with your surrogate, together, you embark on a journey that has the power to create lifelong relationships.
There is a personal aspect to surrogacy that one cannot neglect. After all, both parties will have to cooperate for several months and work together to ensure a healthy, happy pregnancy. While we can’t promise smooth sailing throughout its entirety, we can use our experience to point out key factors to minimize bumps in the road.
Here are our tips for a successful relationship between intended parents and surrogate mothers.
Voice your needs and concerns during the matching process
Communication is key and will always be.
During the matching process, let your agency know what type of surrogate you are looking for in lifestyle and values. It is something so simple yet significant. Having a surrogate that shares the same mindset can lead to an easier understanding of both parties’ expectations – and makes solving conflicts a lot easier.
Be honest about what you want and what your needs will be. If you want them to be transparent with you, you need to do the same. Don’t be afraid to speak up; ask the questions on your mind and voice your needs.
Don’t forget to answer the questions that she will ask, and if you aren’t sure, be upfront. Just like you are trying to figure out if this is a good fit, she will do the same. Both parties are looking to establish a good relationship and build the foundation of good communication.
It is better to determine if your criteria are met early on than during the pregnancy. Honesty is the best way to figure out how well you will work together.
Set a schedule for contact
It is normal to ask for updates, but you need to remember that the surrogate mother has her own life. There is a thin line between good communication and constant check-ups.
The best way to avoid this problem is to set a clear schedule. We suggest implementing it when you write your contract, before the beginning of the pregnancy. This way, you both know what is expected and can limit communication during the allotted time.
Of course, this may change as time goes by, and if there are complications, but it indicates that you both respect each other’s time.
Respect each other’s needs
Respect goes a long way.
We know it’s hard not to be the one in control, but putting yourself in your surrogate’s shoes can help you understand what she is going through. Pregnancy is anything but easy!
How would you like someone to approach you? How do you want them to talk to you? What boundaries would you like others to keep in mind?
These are all questions that are worth asking yourself before sending that third text to ask your surrogate what she’s eating today. While there is nothing wrong with caring, understanding how your surrogate might feel is crucial.
Trust your surrogate
You’re finally on your way to starting your family, and you want everything to go well. It can be tough to know that someone else is carrying your baby and that there’s not much you can do.
In some cases, intended parents struggle with the lack of control they feel during the pregnancy, resulting in a tempting urge to bug your surrogate. Before you pick up the phone, remember that trusting your surrogate says more than words can. It indicates that you believe in her judgment to make the right decisions and that you know she has your baby’s well-being in mind.
Most surrogates choose to do this job because they want to help other people and have been through a previous pregnancy.
How the Guidance agency can help
It’s simple. We want the best for everyone involved – intended parents, surrogate mothers, and babies.
You can only build a good relationship on a good foundation, and we are here to provide you with the tools needed. More than an agency, Guidance is a community of support, with a wide range of experts, past intended parents, and surrogates that are more than willing to share their advice.
Our matching process also involves an extensive questionnaire filled out by candidates to best capture their identity. It is our way of ensuring a loving match, one that will last even after the birth of your child. We can also give you answers about finances.
Have any questions? Send us a message today, and we’ll get back to you with the answers you need!