For many intended parents, meeting their surrogate for the first time can be nerve-racking.
Although expected, it represents the beginning of the surrogacy journey for many and causes mixed feelings. Happiness, anxiousness – having been there ourselves and helping others through the process, we know the importance of this moment all too well.
Our matching process, designed to pair both parties with the highest compatibility, is a good indicator of its unfolding. Our candidate surrogates fill out an extensive questionnaire to best capture their values and self, and we select those with the same mindset that matches our client’s.
We do our best to ensure a close to, if not perfect, match. However, here are a few dos and don’ts to keep in mind for the first video call.
Remember that these are overall guidelines, as every conversation is different.
DO Prepare Questions
As a discussion, we recommend preparing any questions you may have beforehand. Not only does it help the conversation flow, but both parties can also get a clear understanding and idea of what they expect of each other. This process is significant and long; starting on the right foot is crucial.
Furthermore, it helps to determine whether or not you want to go forward with the candidate or match with new ones more suited to your needs.
Consider the first meeting as a time to get to know each other. Keep in mind that both parties are in this together, as equals. While it is perfectly normal to be inquisitive, keep the conversation light – this is not an interview.
We screen every surrogate thoroughly, from medical to criminal records, so you don’t have to. The call is a time to connect and better understand the surrogacy relationship.
DO Voice Your Expectations for Communication
As the saying goes, communication is key! It is important to figure out how everyone prefers to communicate, as some become very close, talk to each other regularly and even arrange in-person visits throughout the months. Surrogacy is a personal process where intended parents and surrogates become very close.
Therefore, we encourage you to figure out what form works best for you. Many beautiful things come out of surrogacy, and a new meaningful relationship can be one of them.
We recommend figuring out your hopes for frequency/level of communication, as well as where it will take place. Facetime calls, phone calls, personal visits, etc., all feature on the list. It is up to both parties to figure out what they prefer.
DON’T Talk Money
Leave all the financial aspects of surrogacy to the agency you are working with; they have the resources to ensure the process is as seamless as possible. If you have any concerns, let us know! We are more than happy to answer your questions and help you build a financial plan.
One of the biggest advantages of working with Guidance is that we take care of the heavy lifting so you can enjoy this wonderful experience stress-free.
Focus on getting to know the surrogate mother and deciding if she is a good fit to help you grow your family.
At the end of the day, surrogacy is a human process involving multiple people with different views and emotions, and that’s the beauty of it all! Intended parents and surrogates come together to create life, and nothing is as important. A strong relationship builds on trust, respect, and being honest about who you are and what you want is the first building block.
Here at Guidance, we believe that it is a process that requires a lot of compassion and understanding, and we let all of our clients know. It is normal to want the best for your future baby. Let us help you make that happen. As you embark on this monumental journey, we will be right by your side to make sure your dreams become a reality.